31 May 2008

ignored/non-existent

WAZZAH!!!

FUCK ALL THIS SHIT MAN...I'M FUCKING SICK AND TIRED..

*read at your own risk,if read already not happy let me know*

no mood to say but it's the trademark so ya...one of the worst fucking days ever.it just keeps getting worse.already so fucking stressed with FYP.need to figure out how to get fucking 100 000 bucks to purchase the motion platform.if not our project might be not as good as it's supposed to be..feel so helpless,so useless.

and to add on to that,kenna ignored like some fucking loser.people who i always considered as friends totally ignored me.it was as though i wasn't there, as though i was non-existent..so sad and disappointed.asked them who wanna go play pool? some like interested..after finish the stupid AGM shit, all want to go back to club.don't wanna go tell me first lah,fuck...walk all the way back to club then tell me don't want.we used to be close friends..always going out together and stuff.after u 2 got together i become extra, not important anymore..even people who consider me as their good friends ignored me.when leaving business block,talk to u halfway then just walk away..luckily still got clare walk with me, if not so emo sia..i wonder how people stay so positive all the time.how can u fucking stay positive when all this shit keeps fucking happening to u? even the girl i care most about didn't even realised anything, never even ask what happened when i nvr reply.u know i'll always reply u as soon as i get your msg.the indescribable feeling of missing you..called but no answer.i guess u must be asleep.i need u..might not be able to see u for 3 weeks,i wonder how will i survive..where's everyone when u need them?

maybe sometimes pangseh them cos of "other reasons".now kenna retribution ah...as vincent always say, "karma".

so when we become year 3 we're not important anymore.all those people u always thought cared abt u just don't seem to care, don't seem to give a damn abt u..

luckily got reeve and denan at least..bros for life man..sorry if i scared u,ratna.i didn't mean it.i was seriously pissed, felt like an outcast, totally kenna ignored by people..i always tried to be there for them when they needed someone.not one of them even bothered when i needed someone.hahh..maybe die also they don't know.sad sia..

and miswan, i totally agree with u.u said that when i emo, the whole world seems to be at fault.that's so true cos i'm fucking sick and tired of my life.study,fyp,friends,stress,everything comes into the picture.what a fucked up, boring life..

damn,i need to go for anger management.my temper is getting from bad to worse..

when all is lost, when no one gives a damn about u.don't worry, there's still one thing that will always be there to accompany u.cigarettes...they will never ignore u.

one more fucking thing that makes me fucking pissed.u already fucking graduate,mingjian.stop fucking coming back.get a life ah sia.go work or something.see u fucking anti-climax sia.faster go army and shave your balls.everytime see denan must bastard him for what? fucking racist bastard..he indian so what? must keep on insulting him ah, motherfucker? u act like u gd friends with him only, keep on insulting.if not in sch he fucking whack u up already ah,u fucking pussy.only know how to talk..

when no one gives a damn about you, that's how i feel.so lonely........

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
Cause without love I won't survive

recorded at 12:56 AM

/ /

29 May 2008

maybe i got cancer

WAZZAH!!!

happy birthday, jolene! (: u're finally 19.hahah.i'll pass u your present another day, cos i can't meet u today.sorry..

my hair's dropping..i'm balding..maybe i got cancer.smoke too much ah..hahah.since already like that, might as well start again.should i? cos there's like no point in quitting, really and it adds to the 'bored-to-do-list'.what would u do if i started smoking again? hmm,i wonder..

yeah, i want my life to be simple too.maybe it's too simple, that's why my life is so boring..so lifeless.just wanted to apologise to all the people that got bored of me my whole life.i'm just a boring, lifeless zombie..bear with me.i guess sometimes,i'm the one spoiling the mood..hahah

sorry miswan.i've got a serious problem with setting my priorities.

and i had a hard time thinking this through...maybe it's the right thing to do..

recorded at 7:14 PM

/ /

28 May 2008

damn,what's with all these emo people?

WAZZAH!!!

damnit..the days just keep getting worse.mech3 is finally over but it doesn't feel shiok at all.was supposed to do fyp but ended up going to cityhall.i regretted..fucking hell.what's with all these emo people? there was this emo vibe that somehow affected me..fucking sian.why do people still emo when they have someone who cares for them and spend time with them? hmm,i wonder..i want also don't have sia.getting damn sick of all this shit..school,fyp...BLAH BLAH BLAH!! RARH!!!

it's been 5 days.damn,i seriously miss u.can't stop thinking about u.keep checking my phone every few mins to see if u replied even though i know my phone didn't ring.maybe talking to me doesn't cheer u up anymore..cos i'm a dull, boring and lifeless zombie..hahh.always act like i'm okay,but i guess it's all fake.somehow the gloomy feeling is still there and it comes back in the end.

IT'S FUCKING RANDOM, DON'T BOTHER READING.

feeling the emo vibe..
emo is taking over..again..
keeps happening to me..
this is fucking pissing me off..
can't stop feeling this way..
i think i need help..
what's wrong with me..
don't know what's happening..
confusing myself as usual..
producing random sentences..
makes no sense at all..
i lie awake because i'm scared..
tmr might not be the same..
don't wanna lose u..
i wished you'd be mine..
don't know what i'm typing..
thinking too much..
being too paranoid..
got no idea what's what..
if i had just one wish..
take emo away for good..
don't want it to affect me..
it's fucking making me pissed..
i miss you like crazy..
what the hell is all this crapp..
when u're with me..
don't know what i'm doing..
don't know what i'm talking..
don't know what i'm thinking..
getting lost in this maze..
fucking sick and tired of sch..
fucking fyp is so fucking sian..
emo/pissed at the same time..
just being fucking random..

recorded at 9:18 PM

/ /

27 May 2008

the lil things

WAZZAH!

what a boring day.stayed at home to study for mech3 test tmr.ended up only studying for an hour or two and spent the rest of the day slacking.special thanks to leon for always helping me sign my attendance.hahaha

i do this when i'm bored, that's right..i blog.

i guess sometimes it's just the lil things that people do or dont do that affects you in one way or another.somehow we don't realise,something that might seem insignificant to u might mean alot to somebody else and might even make their day.but sometimes we take these lil things for granted.only realising how much we miss it after it's gone but it's too late.

damn, i feel so bored without you..u don't know how important u are.hahaha.i'm glad you came online(:

mech3 test tmr..i think i studied just enough.but i might not know how to do tmr..gdluck to me.there's seriously no motivation to study anymore..life's just too boring,especially school.

recorded at 11:24 PM

/ /

26 May 2008

the ups and downs

WAZZAH!

firstly, happy 19th and 18th birthday to anand and zaki(abang) respectively.wishing u all the best.

went for gems in the morning and screwed up the presentation.we had so much time to do the fucking project but we did it so last min..but at least he wont fail us.anyways it's gems...screw it.

then met up with denan.on the way to dover mrt to wait for anand, we saw a dead rat in the middle of the pavement near the street soccer courts.it was dead and soggy..sick.after taking a pic or two of the rat, we went for pool at dhoby.i thought shafiee was coming along but turns out denan thought i asked him and i thought denan asked him..so yeah, he wasn't informed.so while we were at the pool place, denan said he needed to go to the toilet.but he had other plans.he went to help another friend arti, prepare the cake.then he called anand, saying that arti fell down somewhere and asked him to hurry to them.surprise, out came the cake.played more pool and carl's junior for lunch.gave anand a few birthday bashes here and there..until he lost count.hahah.

the karadora booth was a fc2 today and pohhsian was there.so i decided to go visit him..since denan also wanted to take a look at the harddisk price.

after lessons, went to club and there were quite a few ppl there.adillah (did i spell that right?) was waving crazily. and we had a birthday bash for zaki as well..his was way more painful than anand's..

headed home with huishan after that.she thinks the mouse nose action is funny.hahaha.was told abt some stuff and i thought i was okay about it at first but upon reaching home i realised that i wasn't..i always wonder why we sacrifice so much for others sometimes and we get nothing in return, but we still do it knowing what's going to happen.what's that all about? and i know that i might get nothing out of this but i'll still do it all for you(:

am i slowly being forgotten?

recorded at 8:18 PM

/ /

22 May 2008

Man Utd - champions of Europe

WAZZAH!!!

the new champions of Europe, Man Utd was crowned early this morning, following a scoreline of a 1 - 1 draw, courtesy of Ronaldo and Lampard and a 6 - 5 penalty shootout, with Van Der Sar saving the deciding penalty.

another boring day in school as usual, went at 1pm instead of 8am.did fyp after that and it drained most of my brain power by the end of it.the amount of drawings to be done is like never ending or maybe we're just slow..

there's a new way to go home..in addition to the existing options i already have, like NEL, yishun and pasir ris.i realised that by taking 105 and changing to 53, i can also reach home in about the same time as when i take the train.what's more, there's the company of karen which means it won't be a boring journey home.hahah.i realised that i'm kinda like a noob when it comes to taking bus.today is the first time i took the new cool-looking sbs bus.although it looks cool, it's kinda sucky as there are only 30 seats.okay, i got bored that i counted the number of seats..hahah

alright that's all for today..changed the blog song by the way.it's roses for the dead by funeral for a friend.enjoy...

recorded at 11:00 PM

/ /

21 May 2008

something is happening and i need some help here

WAZZAH!!!

school is boring as usual...speaking of boredom,i'm at home and it's fucking boring right now.it's only the second time this semester that i reached home when there's still daylight.it just goes to show how screwed up school is..hahah

left school at 11+ today with mark.mark is seriously freakin lame...hahah.he headed to tanahmerah and i headed to kembangan.was gonna accompany jolene to her dental place to change the rubberband for her braces. "suntanned" or baked myself for 15 mins while waiting for her to come out of her house.she keeps watching her shoes and dont wanna go bathe.opps i mean shows.hahaha.and the weather is freakin hot man..her dental place is near central @ clarke quay called soho2.that place is cool man.got this "secret agent" feeling to it.first, you have to talk through the intercom to get past the glass door.then the lift and after the lift, there's this automated metal door that swings open when u're gonna walk through.fucking cool place man..like so secretive only.hahah.after the dental, accompanied her shopping..she had to look for a "basket" bag as a friend's birthday present.hahaha basket bag...0.o after looking around for some time, she decided to buy the bag from city plaza at payalebar there.she spoke chinese to the sales ppl.can u believe it??? today is the first time i ever hear her speak chinese.her chinese sounds damn cute lah.hahaha.and i seriously don't understand how girls can shop for hours and hours...i almost lost my legs today.hahah.

so many choices, so many consequences.which route to take? what are we supposed to do? everybody's changing and i don't feel the same... i wish i could tell the future, but then again it wouldn't be that interesting when the exact thing happens..damn, this is confusing.sometimes they act like they don't care but there's the feeling that they do.sometimes they act like they do care and u know they mean it.but they just don't wanna show it.why?? why?? i wish i could understand but i guess i just can't figure it out.it's too difficult..i guess we'll just see what happens.....patience, my young padawan *yoda voice*

i go crazy once in a while nowadays..

OH YA! i almost forgot.for some soccer fans, it's one of the most important matches of the season.the champions league final!!! Man Utd vs Chelsea.damn, i can't wait..may the best team win.obviously i will be rooting for Man Utd.

holdon,ifyoufeellikelettinggo

recorded at 7:51 PM

/ /

20 May 2008

thumbdrive spoilt

WAZZAH!

sch starts again..boring.nth much to blog abt today..thumbdrive spoilt.luckily i had a backup copy with leon.but whatever i drew today i had to draw twice..damn, what a waste of time.but whatever it is, i'm still in a good mood somehow.hahah.besides that, sch is still as boring as ever.

ohya, 1 more thing.huishan says that cutting hair changes luck.believe it? hahah.she might be right after all.something changed after i got a haircut and my thumbdrive spoilt today.it's either my luck is changing from good to bad after the haircut or it's just karma trying to be funny..karma again..kanina....

recorded at 9:57 PM

/ /

19 May 2008

that got me thinking

WAZZAH!!!

i finally got my haircut! its much shorter now..as in shorter like last time.will upload the before and after pics someday when i'm not feeling as lazy as i'm now.i can feel the wind blowing past my ears again..before that it was so long that even i had a hard time finding my ears, let alone the wind.hahaha.it seems kinda nice if it is styled but then again, i can't decide on which is nicer.long hair or short hair..the hairstylist said she like my natural curl hair.hahah.i've always wanted straight,spiky hair..didn't really appreciate curly hair until now.it actually looks kinda cool when it's long..there's the emo look.hahah.

went to meet eugene, toh, fart, jianyao, huishan and zaid.even though denan and i were late, huishan was later(lazy sia this girl)..and zaid was even later.hahaha.walked around for a bit..oh ya huishan, i told u i would find bubble tea for u and the shop magically appeared.hahah(: huishan told me something that got me thinking..hmm, i kinda don't really know what to do..kinda lost in a way.damn, is it a lil bit too early to ask or will i regret if i wait longer? dinner at pizzahut was hilarious..from the sudden rage of zaid to the "kill the chicken" crapp.had a really good laugh though.hahah.got jolene's present from ripcurl after that.i hope she'll like it because i don't really know what kinda wallet she would like..her birthday is in 10 days.walked around for a lil bit more after that and headed home..but not before tempting jianyao to buy smth from topman.hahaha

recorded at 10:47 PM

/ /

18 May 2008

u all kenna trick ah sia!

WAZZAH!!!

saturday is a boring day so i got nothing to update.BUT i just felt like doing this..

denan's "proposal" was a lie! it was all bullshit..hahaha.i only said that to tease him because he was spending alot of time with ratna, that's all.doesn't mean he spend alot of time with her means he will get together with her so soon..i can't believe so many people actually fell for it.i guess you all don't understand him well enough.hahaha.you've been punk'd.

ohh well, that's all i wanted to say..

recorded at 1:08 AM

/ /

16 May 2008

what a boring day

WAZZAH!!

just felt like blogging but there's nothing to blog about because today is a boring day.CSW interview was quite alright..went to club after that and they were deciding whether to go out or not.but after they went for class and whatever, i decided to go home cos i was feeling damn sian..they are supposed to be meeting at 8 45 at city hall or smth but i'm too lazy to go out.besides, there's like only 4 ppl going.sorry tohlin..i would have gone if i had the car.it's so troublesome to take mrt.hahah.if everyday is gonna be so boring i rather die young..

recorded at 8:21 PM

/ /

15 May 2008

haircut.delayed.again.

WAZZAH!

i'm back cos there's no more ny-mafia to play.life is so empty without ny-mafia.hahaha.what a boring day without you..the days just keeps getting worse..

SO...my haircut got delayed again.everytime i make the decision to get a haircut, someone comes along and say, "wow, what did you do to your hair? nice sia!" or "hey, your hair looks cool man!" and this changes my decision again.saw azli today..and he told me something like that.i also told denan that i was gonna get a haircut today but he said that he also wanted to cut and asked me to wait for him.because we're gonna go far east supercuts.the last time we cut our hair was at the same place.hahah.hopefully i get my haircut on vesak day..

zaid and gang decided that we should go KL on the first week of holidays..and seems like alot of ppl were invited.and i mean ALOT.if everyone goes we'll be like flooding malaysia.sick...hahah.denan is going to australia for 3 days during the holidays alone to go look for his sister and i'm thinking of tagging along because i haven't been to australia before..i shall consider after he tells me the airticket price and whatever..

just a small portion dedicated to khalis..i know it's difficult to quit while we hang around smokers all day.i know you say quitting for the sake of a girl isn't worth it but try doing it for *a-hem* (u know who)..it might work out.hahah.if not just quit for some other reason u can find..i know it ain't easy but if u got the determination then go for it.gdluck man.

okay, lazy already..

I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else

recorded at 9:00 PM

/ /

14 May 2008

too much of FYP

WAZZAH!!!

another boring night online..i would usually be playing ny-mafia.but sadly, i got killed yesterday and i don't feel like playing anymore..what else can i do online? blog, i guess..

too much of FYP is a bad thing.been staying back in sch to do FYP drawings until very late almost everyday.and because of this, i've been skipping alot of classes this semester.haven't gone for lessons for the past 2 days, only went in the afternoon to do FYP.can't possibly be doing FYP every single day man..it's gonna kill us all.tests are coming up soon and i don't even know a thing abt them.i'm so gonna screw up this semester..

i'm becoming more clumsy and careless nowadays.dropped my phone again in the morning, on the bus.dropped my ipod when i got home.starting to do stupid things to embarass myself in public more often..damn, what's happening to me? maybe it's because of karen, her influence is too great.it's like she's transferring all her blurness into me while she seems to be able to notice things better as the days go by.hahaha.i am supposed to get a haircut today, but i didn't feel like going in the end.i have to get a haircut within the next 3 days..if not the karen volcano will erupt.hahah

hmm,wondering how denan's "proposal" went..if u read this u better tell me what happened man..

anand and denan wanna go Escape this saturday..hahaha can u imagine?? Escape...i hope they change it to next saturday, then i can tag along.i've only been to Escape twice in my entire lifetime,a long time ago.although i live in pasir ris.hahaha.anyone wanna go??? =D speaking of going out, i haven't watched a movie for nearly 2 months plus.FYP is turning me into a no-life loser.gotta go out and chill soon, if not FYP is gonna kill me.

i think there's nothing interesting left to blog about today.let's hope the good karma comes back..since i'm not playing ny-mafia already, i should be able to blog everyday if i have the time.till next time then..

recorded at 9:25 PM

/ /

13 May 2008

karma

WAZZAH!!!

been lazy for the past dunno how many days (lost count).suddenly got the urge to blog because i'm feeling kinda fucked up right now.

i think the talk about karma from david phua and vincent is seriously getting to me.even my favourite show, my name is earl talks about karma all the time..all that bullshit about doing good things and good things will happen to u, vice versa..might sound like bullshit but who knows? it might even be true..hmm, have i did anything good recently? maybe more bad than good..the small little things u do that others consider good might not be good enough for the people who distributes karma around.are there even anybody that distributes karma??? okay, too much of this karma talk..

wanted to go for rock climbing camp..but ended up only going for the nightwalk.as a "ghost" again.it's already the fourth time i'm scaring people during nightwalk.it starts out fun at the beginning but starts to get boring after many groups pass your station..and lesser people gets scared by you.and i still remember denan getting kicked by the very first pair of guys he scared.IT'S FUCKING FUNNY I TELL YOU.HAHAHA..still remember his reaction.

and this is where the karma part comes in.i think scaring so many people for nightwalks has accumulated quite abit of bad karma and it's all starting to go against me.and of course plus all the other bad things that i've done over the years..
#1: my leg has been itching since the nightwalk, feels like a freaking ghost possesed my freaking leg.my right ankle is filled with mosquito bites that it's swollen and i can't find my ankle.and the itch wont stop..it's been days..
#2: been feeling really tired and lazy to study and go to sch since FYP started.it's really taking a toll on me.moreover, i've got no motivation to study anymore.i just feel so tired and hopeless.i thought mech3 was easy at the beginning of sch but it's week 5 now and i dont understand a shit..i'm so gonna screw up this semester, big time.i got no freaking idea what's OM, AVS, ACS and mech3 is about..like totally!
#3: yesterday, my shoes which is still quite new (bought it before CNY for only $19.90!!!) sorta burst open and it looks fucking pathetic, but luckily it can still be worn.HOPEFULLY for a few more days until i get a new pair.
#4: my w960 is spoilt because of the fall it suffered yesterday.i only realised that it wont speak or sing anymore today when i noticed that there was no sound when it rang..my w960 is mute..i didn't know the speakers were so fragile..and my alarm didn't ring in the morning, luckily i had a backup alarm clock that rang instead.
#5: FUCK! my ny-mafia account by the name of Anything got killed on 13th may 2008 @ 11+pm.i was just a peaceful ranker and i didn't do noone no harm..why did i get capped? i was rank 32 damnit! the highest i ever went..and i was the third highest rank in the game...that kinda made me feel alot worst.all my efforts wasted.
#6: can't seem to sleep at night.been sleeping really really late nowadays.even though there's noone to chat with online or talk to on the phone.she's busy watching a cinderella story or maybe she's asleep.1,2,3 sleep! hahaha.btw, i hope you won't be angry with me for not telling u.....i just thought it'd be better if u didn't know.i'm sorry.

i hope nothing bad happens tmr.i hope nothing else spoils tmr.i can't take it anymore.hahaha.all this karma bullshit.maybe i should make a list of all the bad things i've done and try to make up for it.just like jason lee in my name is earl.that'd be cool, won't it?

and i've decided to get a haircut one day this week.my hair is seriously in a mess every time and its too thick.it's starting to look ugly..and maybe all the bad karma is stuck in my hair..besides, "jessica alba" asked me to cut my hair (obviously a fake that insists she's the real deal).she even has a Juiced2 profile in my PSP.hahaha.karen also says i should get a haircut, so i should listen to her..sorry denan, i can't keep my hair until the day u get it cut..by then i think i could hide my whole timbuk2 bag in my hair.dont need to sling it around my shoulders anymore.

goodluck to denan for tmr.he might "pop the question"..hahaha.ohh man...so many couples around me, makes me wonder if it will ever be my turn.damn...yellowpages and her puppy, ah beng and his psychotic hamster, reeve and clare, asyiq and firah, denan and ratna.gdluck to all u couples out there, may your relationships last forever(if possible).

i guess that's all i gotta update for now..another time perhaps.when i'm not feeling lazy..

if u're the one for me, then when will it be?

recorded at 11:56 PM

/ /

03 May 2008

looks simple but it ain't

WAZZAH!!!

it's been a really long time..seeing denan updating again has made me feel like updating,although i'm still feeling lazy.

hmm, so many things happened over the weeks and i don't know where to begin.FO camp was great, ITP is finally over..although sometimes i wish i could still be working there.genting trip was awesome..but i think i might have damaged something under my ribcage.the spear from pi xiang still hurts.we went dying alot of times on the spaceshot.

school kinda sucks..the f-16 flight simulator is taking up quite alot of time and this is the third or fourth time we're redrawing the model..i lost count.fyp is seriously draining up alot of my energy.don't have much time to slack in club anymore..hopefully someone will accompany me to do pro-e and stay in school till late(:

was really unlucky last night.the night cycling trip was bad, well at least for me..met denan at whitesands and slacked around while waiting for the rest.zaid decided to play 'amazing race' with us.while we were waiting for them at whitesands, he called and we decided to meet at downtown east instead.denan got a drink from McCafe and zaid called again.this time he asked us to cycle all the way to the right end of pasir ris park.it's a fuckin dead end fyi..then the call came again.this time zaid said they were at changi point.so we had no choice but to cycle out of pasir ris park and onto the main road to get to changi area.on the way to changi point, zaid called for the fourth fucking time..okay i lost count of the amount of times he called.this time he said that they were at changi village.so we headed there.the best part...my bike tyre punctured just outside changi village and i had to carry it for the rest of the journey.so in the end i couldn't cycle with the rest of them and i headed home.just how unlucky can i get? my back tyre punctured, the last time i went night cycling and the tyre being quite new punctured again yesterday.

too many thing to blog about and some can't be blogged about..hahah.so i guess that's all i'm gonna post.i might be lazy to update for a very long time again.everything seems to be getting better now, i hope it stays that way(:

recorded at 4:28 PM

/ /